Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
