I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
