I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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