I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
