Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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