I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
