Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My balls are so social today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
