she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
