So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
