I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i already hear my dad disowning me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
