Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
