so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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