i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
