I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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