while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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