Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
