if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Randomize
