I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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