well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
