He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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