did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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