Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
