I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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