the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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