You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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