Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
