The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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