I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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