Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
