You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
