Cold hands, warm shart.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
