Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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