He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
