So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
