: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
