He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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