Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
