so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
