is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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