he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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