you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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