First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
