I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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