So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
