Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need help removing her.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
