Just cropdusted the office
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
