God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
