careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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