Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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