Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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