Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
