I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
