you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
