This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
