I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
