I hate your face
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
