I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize